Who actually won the Depp v. Heard? The guide to child culture for disconnected adults

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This week, nostalgia dominated the internet among young people, with everyone in Generations Y and Z paying attention to the lawsuit involving former actor Johnny Depp and listening to the music of timeless singer Kate Bush. So let’s get ready to go back to the present, Marty.

The Heard v. Depp ends happily

Everyone, everywhere is talking about the end of the big stupid trial, so let me finish: there was a verdict this week in the dispute between the 90s idol / the 2000s pirate /lavish spending Johnny Depp and actress Amber Heard. The trial, which began in early 2005, ended Wednesday with a result largely in favor of Depp. The jury found that Depp, the star of the 2000s The man who cried was defamed by his ex-wife Heard in a Washington Postt editorial published in 2018 in which she describes her experiences as a survivor of domestic violence, although the editorial does not name Depp as her abuser and features well-documented evidence of his claims at trial. A counterclaim by Heard revealed that Depp also defamed her. Depp and Heard seem pretty famous to me.

I’ve carefully ignored this imbroglio since it started, so I’m glad it’s easier now. The verdict is seen as vindication by the worst people on earth (men’s rights activists, sexual assault deniers, misogynists, etc.) and it actually has some pretty deep implications for free speech. But hey, the handsome actor gets millions of dollars, and it’s all finally, thankfully, over, so it’s a win, I guess?

Meet intergenerational counterculture hero Nardwaur the Human Serviette

The other day my child said, “Daddy, you have to see these videos of Nardwaur the Human Serviette! and it took me back in time. Long dormant synapses ignited in my brain, and I remembered a night long ago at a friend’s shitty student apartment watching a 10th Gen VHS video starring featured an incredibly nerdy Canadian dude conducting weird and heartwarming interviews with alt-rock heroes like Henry Rollins and Kurt Cobain. “That guy can’t be here yet,” I thought. But he isand he is a hero for your children. Nardwaur YouTube Videos boast exponentially more views than there are pirated VHS tapes on earth – the dude has over 2 million subscribers on YouTube.

These days, Nardwaur interviews rappers like Kendrick Lamar and singers like Billie Eilish instead of fall outbut the formula hasn’t changed, and the interviews have the same magic I remember back then: Nardwaur, dressed in mismatched plaids and carrying bizarre gifts, starts out by asking everyone, “Who are you? even if he talks to Jay-Z, then proceeds to ask questions about incredibly obscure details of his subjects’ lives, like friends they had in 7th grade, or obscure recordings produced by their father. Nardwuar’s absolute lack of polish or hipness translates into oddly touching and personal interviews that are about a billion times more interesting than typical, “tell me about your new song” content. Hi Nardwaur! Living proof that the only way to stay cool is to never try to be cool in the first place.

A new generation is becoming obsessed with Kate Bush

In an encouraging sign for the future, a whole new generation of smart, artistic, quirky, and genius kids are devoting a significant amount of their internal real estate to Kate Bush. The mysterious singer’s “Running up that Hill” is exploding on TikTok and Spotify, earning No. 1 on iTunes and entering the top 10 in 34 countries. Not bad for a song from 1985! The resurgence comes through the use of the number in the new season of stranger things on Netflix. Famously reclusive, Bush stopped performing live in 1979, then did a few gigs in 2014 and doesn’t fire his music very often. Apparently Bush loaned her song to show because she’s a fan – or should I say so stranger things‘ music coordinator– it’s not like Kate Bush is going to talk to the press.

Lizards are taking over TikTok

There is always a balance. It’s not just great things from the past that are coming to the surface this week. The electronic generation is also digging up shitty and terrible things. Concrete case: the strangest corners of TikTok talks about “reptoids” a disturbing conspiracy theory that was last popular among idiots in the 1990s when the British sports announcer David Icke went crazy and started telling everyone that reptile aliens ruled the world. The new supercharged version of the story is spreading fast, with all sorts of videos on TikTok claiming that famous people and politicians are actually reptiles from outer space in fake human skins that want to eat babies. (I think?) Anyway, Joe Biden, Meghan Markle, Kamala Harris, Lady Gaga and Mark Zuckerberg are all reptiles. (They might have a point with Zuckerberg.) The “evidence” is mostly either videos with flow problems (supposedly times when the masks fall) or just pictures where famous people have strange looks on their faces– this video has been viewed over 1.5 million times, by the way. The whole thing would be amusing if it didn’t end up going where all the conspiracy theories end up: it’s the fault of the Jews.

Viral Video of the Week: I survived on $0.01 for 30 days

YouTuber Ryan Trahan is going viral this week for doing something right. His series of videos where he tries to cross the country starting with a single penny is exactly the kind of compelling stunt content you’d expect from a YouTuber, but Trahan is urging his growing following to donate to Feed Americaa legitimate charity (I checked).

Content-wise, the three videos released so far are homages to the power of arbitration and the possibilities of capitalism—somebody can succeed in America, as long as they are a charismatic white hunk with boundless energy and confidence. I have no doubt that Trahan will end his trip across the country with his pockets full of money and 1,000 more friends than I have ever had. But hey, maybe he’ll get hit by a bus. Discover the adventures yourselfand give a small coin, why not do it?

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